So Alive

I have some issues with my parents. Most teens do, or at least think they do. I don't have huge reasons, like she abuses me or anything, but they are existent nonetheless. The problem is that I grew up too fast. I've been self functioning since second grade. She never saw any of my homework or read any of my stories, because they were already done. With this behavior, came lots of freedom. I could watch TV most whenever I wanted, and I liked to spend a lot of time on the computer on pen pal sites and things like that. By middle school, she stopped checking on me before bedtime, and at first, this was awesome - I was a big kid now! But soon after, it became difficult, for she never presented herself to talk about important things, like friends, stress, or emotions. Whenever I felt impelled to approach her about any of these things, it always appeared that she was either too busy, too tired, or already taken by my (high maintenance) younger brother. So I kept these things bottled up and let them out on my friends, which I didn't have very much of, by the way. But my mom didn't know; we had never talked about it.
So through middle school, I had to grow and develop myself without parental guidance. Whether by nurture or just pure luck, I think it worked, and it makes me the person I now am today. She still doesn't talk about things, though I do try sometimes. Days like today though, get me worried that there is something wrong, or that maybe she is depressed. I'm learning how to drive, you see. We had to drive an hour away and an hour back for a function of mine today, and the whole way, she showed no sign of emotion. I like to keep a commentary going about the cars around me and what kind of moron they all are. She neither contributed to the conversation, nor reacted to it. If I were a parent, I think two hours in general isolation would seem a great time to discuss things, but no such things ever occur to her. Sometimes, it's like she's dead inside, and all she thinks she's here for is to feed our greedy mouths and clothe our ungrateful backs, but I need more from her. You may think this would exhaust her, but I think it would please her. If only she'd make herself available.... Parents: you are never too old to tuck your child in at night! I wish so bad that mine would once in a while.

Song of the day: "So Alive" by Ryan Adams (I'm trying new links and methods of making my songs available, so if this one doesn't work, go ahead and use the good ole Project Playlist version)