Beautiful Men

Today, I learned what real beautiful men look like. They don't look, actually. What's gorgeous about them, is not how they look, but how they act. How they carry themselves. The things they say. And most importantly, how it all fits together.

I spent the day with three incredible young men; a senior, a junior, a sophomore, and me -- a freshman. It was not their physique that attracted me to them, for they are nothing remarkable. It is instinctive to immediately assess this aspect, which is a truly awful habit. It was instead how their expressions fit their words, and they use their hands and arms to emphasize the witty things flowing from their lips. Every time I laughed, every time they smiled and chuckled along, I felt this feeling in my chest. I physical feeling. It's incredible, like riding a roller coaster. I was in love.

Not the kind of love we sing in our songs. Not romantic attraction, but just an incredible joy that comes with being in their presence. Charlie's eyes, so wide and full of meaning, stopped my heart every time I looked into them. Matt's body, large and expressive. Trey's tousled hair and rueful grin were heartwarming. Yet I have no desire of romance. That, is the way of genuine love.

Now, this attraction is not physical, you say? It is not the fact that the boys have these characteristics about them, but the fluency with which they fit their nature. For example, Charlie talks with his eyes. When he tells a joke, his eyes get large and innocent, and when he laughs, they scrunch up to an impossibly small size. Matt's words are so soft and gentle, creating a naturally menacing aura, to become calm and warm. Trey has a nip to his words, and when he tears into someone, his smile always reassures a good time. I feel relaxed and at home in the company of these men, a feeling rarely experienced in the company of girls my age.

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Tom Hanks is a handsome man, agreed? Even as he ages, he retains his youth exceedingly well. Still, age catches up to everyone. Yet, as Trey says, "Hey, stop complaining. Your husband won't be nearly as hot as Tom Hanks." He has a point. It's not that I will eventually fall in love with an ugly man, but that what he looks like doesn't matter. My husband will not be physically divine, an idea that is easy to entertain at this age. For a moment, it's sad that I will not have a godly man to gaze at everyday, but in the next moment, I realize that that's okay, because it doesn't matter.

Movies poison us, absolutely trick us, into thinking that our soul mate is perfect -- everything we imagine, perfect in mind, body, and nature. But it's absolute bullshit. Everyone has problems and struggles, and a couple's ability to overcome them is what defines them. Not what they look like, not how easy they are to gaze at. But how one another feels when they are in the company of the other.

I felt alive like I never have before with these young men, my friends. I know that as I grow and mature, I will have many boyfriends and suiters. But the most unbreakable bond -- the one untested by romance -- is that of a true friend. At times during the day, the feeling in my chest grew and grew until I felt it would burst with love. It is the best feeling in the world; a drug that one cannot recover from. I want it more, and I'm planning to hit up again, tomorrow. Today is just one day, and I wonder what joys tomorrow will hold.

Do we really have problems?

The other day, I read a book called One Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini, and it opened my eyes to a whole new world. The two women in this book live in Kabul, Afghanistan, through Soviet occupation, civil war, and the Taliban. While it is a heart-wrenching story, it is also a history lesson. During the Soviet's time in power, women had rights and power. They were going to college, acquiring government offices, and working as hard as men. Despite all of this, there was plenty of turmoil in the country. Foreign governments (including the US) funded Mujahideen to overthrow the Soviet Union. When they finally left, civil war took over the city of Kabul. Various warlords staked out in different parts of the city and bombarded the others to shreds. Years of this followed, so it's little surprise that the Taliban was invited in with welcoming arms. They were thought to be good muslims -- a bunch of boys who just wanted to carry out the Koran's word. But what resulted was oppression, violence, and death. The rules they imposed on women were incredibly restricting; women had to wear burqas in public, women always needed a male escort, women could not work, etc. Part of the justice system involved public executions and cutting off limbs for various kinds of crime. Drought and famine added to the agonies of everyday life. In summary, it was awful.

The problems that the two women in this book face dwarf mine into luxuries. For example, on of the women's mother commits suicide, after which her father sends her to a rancid man who rapes her repeatedly. Or the other one; her lover leaves forever, the day before her parents are bombed to chunks in front of her eyes. It makes me feel nauseous, when I worry about what to wear, too much homework, my phone is broken, etc.

I feel all teenagers should read this book to give them perspective on how blessed we are to even live in this country. When I walk the streets and see the homeless people on the sidewalk, or the poor, tattered man waking to work, I know that each and every one of them are better off than the citizens of Kabul were. It's hard to imagine that not too long ago, there were bombs flying and people dying left and right in such an advanced society.

It makes me even more thankful towards how lucky I am to live here. Imagine, not having anywhere to go and anyone to go to. Here, if something is wrong, I can always go to a teacher, a counselor, my parents, or even the police need be. But a couple years ago, the women of Afghanistan had nowhere -- absolutely nowhere -- to turn. They were required to labor through the years and bend to every last oppressive law men made for them.

So next time you're angry about the broken dishwasher, or the cost of gas, just think of how fortunate you are to be able to have these concerns, and that your most prominent thought is not the safety of your family.

Boy and Girl vs World

Sometimes, it feels as if we are alone in this word. That no one understands us, no one loves us, we can never fit in, etc. There are times when we need something, someone to relate to.
The xx is a band of four members, two of which are singers. Oliver and Romy can relate to us; they get it. The hushed, timid tone of the songs are so calming. Whatever worries we have fade away, and cease to matter. They make us feel like it's okay, that our problems don't really matter.
So if you're looking for an escape -- or just someone to listen -- start with Oliver and Romy. They know.